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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26174431">care</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/'>Anonymous</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Hermitcraft RPF</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Depression, Gen, Recovery, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, bipolar ex, ex and x are brothers, institutionalion, its my fic i get to choose the projection, minor references to yhs but like its not a big thing lol</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 04:00:53</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,431</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26174431</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>ex doesn’t feel right. he’s stuck.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>133</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Anonymous</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>care</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>this is triggering dont read it if its triggering to you like... heed da tags also i apologise for writing this</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>it’s a haze. a haze of life. the lights in his brother’s bedroom were too bright. he turned them off and sat on the floor. it was nice of him to let him stay, truly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>he didn’t deserve it.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>xisuma dragged him outside.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“you need some vitamin d,” he said, seating him on a bench whilst he tended to the garden. ex squinted at the flowers. orchids, daisies, roses, tulips, lillies… they reminded him of better times. and that’s why he was afraid of them. when him and his brother visited a garden for the first time and they ran around and played, not a care in the world. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>he’s been laying in the bed his brother set up for him for the past three days. xisuma checks up on him, gives him food, but he doesn’t respond. xisuma has a guest over. he knows that, he can hear them. they’re talking about him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>he closes his eyes and wills himself to sleep.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>xisuma’s been out working for the past few days. he was really worried to leave him alone, so tfc’s been babysitting him. the older man dragged ex outside. he sat in the dew filled grass whilst tfc drew something. he stared at a bee pollinating a rosebush. he thought about death. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>lava was hot. everyone knew this.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>it didn’t effect him before, he could walk in it and be fine. he stuck his hand in and felt it burn. mumbo finds him screaming in pain. the man was running on pure adrenaline, he recognised the signs. apparently he was really close to mumbo’s base, because that’s where he ended up. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“fuck, fuck,” mumbo muttered, and ex laughed between his sobs. mumbo looked at him incredulously.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“what?” he asked, pouring a potion onto ex’s hand.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“never heard you swear, s’all,” and with that, xisuma stepped out of the nether portal.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>he wasn’t allowed to be alone after that.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>different hermits had to watch him when xisuma couldn’t. right now it was grian, and he sat on a dune whilst the shorter man shoveled sand into a shulker box. a rabbit sniffed ex, and he pet it. they sat like this for a while until grian walked over. his footsteps disturbed the rabbit but grian saw. and he stood, frozen. after a minute, he moved, typing on his communicator. after a few more minutes, mumbo and stress arrived. stress took him to her base. as he left, he saw grian hugging mumbo, crying.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>he wasn’t the only one with problems.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>he hasn’t moved except to pee in a week. xisuma sits in front of him. he’s been crying.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“hang in there, please,” he begs, and ex closes his eyes.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>ex wakes up. he’s never felt better. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>it must have just gone, because he feels cured. he hops out of bed and feels energised. he had so many ideas, so much stuff-</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“ex?” his brother asked, standing in the doorway rubbing his eyes. ex ran towards him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“ex, it’s 4am-“</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“i’m fixed! im cured. i don’t know why though, isn’t that funny? its funny. i find it funny,” he yelled and took a deep breath. he cackled and xisuma frowned.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“are you… are you okay bro?” he asked and ex nodded enthusiastically.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“yes! yes. i need to go, suma. so much stuff to do, so much wasted time!” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>it had been four days, and ex had built an entire village. some of the work was sloppy, and you could tell everything was made in haste. hermits found their shops filled with more diamonds suddenly, with one purchaser leaving their mark. xisuma came over often to check on him, and to try and drag him into bed. it never worked. it hurt to stop moving. he screamed.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>he lay on top of one of keralis’ skyscrapers. it was raining. he hasn’t moved all day. he originally came there to look at the view, and it crashed into him. he hurt. this hurt. rain pounded on his body. he thought it was gone. he thought he was fixed. he thought he could be happy again.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>xisuma couldn’t find him. there was a serverwide search, but no one could find him. he didn’t have a communicator, so he couldn’t be contacted.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>grian finds him. of course he would check the high places. he doesn’t say much, but he knows grian understands. they sit together as they waited for xisuma.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>xisuma was finally asleep. he took the helmet and placed it on his own head, using xisuma’s admin access he searched for a command that would kill him for good. there had to be one. he forgot that commands were set to be broadcast across chat. the night owls were now setting the communicators off, and it woke xisuma up. someone barged through the door. they called out for him. ex sat in fear as xisuma rose up and rubbed his eyes.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“ex? what’s going on?” he asked, and impulse barged in the door, tango in tow. they sighed in relief when they saw the two sitting there. xisuma was confused at first, but began to cry when impulse told him what happened. xisuma sent a message that everything was handled.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>nothing was handled.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>the next day he stood next to grian as xisuma was handing off admin duties to bdubs and scar. they would be off world for a bit, apparently. xisuma then sent them to their destination. he didn’t know why grian was here until he said it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“i’ve stayed at this facility before,” he said, sitting with ex as xisuma checked him in. it was a mental health clinic. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“i’ll try to visit as much as possible,” xisuma said before saying his goodbyes.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>it was incredibly boring. ex spent most of his time trying to finish a two thousand piece puzzle and watching tv. it was always freezing, and he hugged himself tighter in xisuma’s sweater. he would be leaving this saturday.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>he arrived back in hermitcraft with a prescription and an appointment with a psychologist. hermits kept a closer eye on him then before… except for grian.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“i trust you,” he said as he turned to build something. ex didn’t pay attention to what.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>he caught grian talking to xisuma once, and he found himself being babysat less after that. he was alone for once, and he decided to pick up a hobby. knitting.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>he still felt like shit. wasn’t he meant to feel better now? he lay in bed all day. xisuma was scared. he didn’t hide it well. ex woke up the next morning and ran. he ran to his shitty little village and cried in an alleyway. he sucked. he was ruining his brother’s life. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>no one could find him. apparently no one thought to check every part of the village that ex had built when he was manic. that would’ve been hard anyway, it was laid out like a maze. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>a skeleton shot him. he woke up on spawn island.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>xisuma was not impressed when he found ex. he babbled on about how worried he was, and it hit him. xisuma cared. he cared so much. why?</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>he opened up a small store for his knitting. stress was a frequent customer, and even asked if ex could repair her cardigan. he knit a rose onto it, and stress squealed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“this is so gorgeous ex! i don’t know what i would do without you!” she said, and hugged him. he smiled.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“you’re welcome.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>he helped more people out, doing various odd jobs and collection tasks. he liked it. it was nice to see them happy about having something done, having someone help them. it made him happy.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>he was trying his hardest. it felt like it wasn’t enough. xisuma decided to get him into gardening.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>he and his plants were still alive a month later. ex sat in his flower shop fiddling with dandelions. there was a tapping on the counter.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“hey, ex. are you trying to make a flower crown?” impulse asked. ex snorted. impulse raised a brow.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“i was a hippie once, you know. i got very good at it. want me to teach you?” ex hummed for a moment before nodding. he sat down next to ex and helped him make one. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>the next day, a scarf appeared in impulse’s base, a smiley face attached to it on a note.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>xisuma smiles at him. they’re in the garden together. ex smiles back.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>he doesn’t feel alive. he wants to feel alive. he’ll try to feel alive. it will be hard, but he’s going to try.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>i hope you try too. i sure am.</p>
<p>i never finished that puzzle and i left early because being there was so fucking boring and actually made me feel worse. this isnt an autobiography though i just felt like including a homage to that fucking puzzle. also sorry for writing this</p></blockquote></div></div>
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